"BE" a Good Father

Happy Fathers Day to those who are birth fathers, adoptive fathers, step fathers, and those who have just chosen to invest in children’s lives.

I am going to start today’s sermon out with a series of questions.

How many of you had a wonderful father growing up?

How many of you wanted to be like our father when you grew up?

What made your father strong in your eyes, and the model man you wished to be?

Now, the next question requires a little more though. Have we lived up to our expectations when we compare ourselves to our fathers?

In general, though, have fathers become stronger or weaker over the years? I’m getting at a point here, years ago, fathers were role models. They were strong, they were fearless, they were leaders, they were fathers. Now days, we do not see them as easily identified traits in many men and especially fathers. We have gone from Ward Cleaver to Al Bundy, Andy Taylor to Homer Simpson, Charles Ingalls to Tim Taylor…the list can keep going.

Why is it that the image of a man, and a father has gone from a God fearing, family loving, wife respecting, strong providers to bumbling buffoons?

Maybe the world looks at dads today and think “if that’s the way they are, then we don’t need them”? Dads, I am here to tell you “YOU ARE IMPORTANT”. I don’t think you hear it near enough. You work, you provide, you love, you set the example. And your children see you. I found interesting research that gives some understanding as to the importance of dads. In 2011, the Barna Group released results from an interesting survey on who teens say are their role models.

37% relative (grandparent, sister, brother, aunt, uncle)

11% teacher or coach

9% friend

6% pastor or religious leader they know personally

6% entertainer

5% athlete

4% political leader

4% faith leader

Now, notice number 1 - 37% looked up to a relative. We (as parents) have the most potential to impact our children BECAUSE they look up to us as role models.

But, I also want to look at the reason why these people are so important.

26% personality traits of that person

22% someone they want to “follow in the footsteps” of

13% role model accomplished his or her goals

11% personal help or encouragement

9% overcame adversity

7% works hard

7% is intelligent

6% performs humanitarian effort and activism

6% maintains strong faith

It is concerning to me that faith ranks at the bottom of this list. In all reality, should we not be leading our families spiritually?

Noticeably missing though, is MONEY and FAME.

So, dads, we need to focus more on what is important - pointing our children to God. Should our focus on a personal relationship with Christ not be part of our personality traits? Dads, we need to step it up.

But, society tells us otherwise. Society says for us to be “manly” we should be:

Wealthy

A Winner

Physically Strong

A “Fixer”

A “Man’s Man”

While we look at this list, it puts unrealistic expectations on us. We may struggle and live paycheck to paycheck. We may not always win, but instead find ourselves losing in our own minds. We may never have physical strength, or the ability to pick up a screwdriver and fix everything that’s broken. In essence, if WE think WE are not the epitome of a “Man’s Man”, then WE think WE have failed.

It’s time to break out of that societal mold, and look at what God calls us to be as Dads.

Be a Trainer

Proverbs 22:6 ESV

6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Train - to develop a person’s behavior by instruction and practice.

By this definition alone, dad’s we have to BE THERE to instruct our children.

The truth is, many parents are running ragged with their own busy schedules; and rather than parent proactively, many parent re-actively by running interference only after a problem arises.

Too many children today are raising themselves. Some of this is unavoidable. We all know that it takes more resources today and both parents may have to work. As a result, many kids are taking on additional responsibilities…oh wait…is that a bad thing? You see, if they have some structure and responsibilities we may actually have kids that grow up to be…responsible. I am not talking about that, I am talking about what happens when the parents are home. Do we invest in our children? Do we spend quality time with them training them as we are instructed in scripture? This doesn’t always mean chores and responsibilities. Dads, when is the last time your children saw you read your bible? Dads, when is the last time you prayed with your children? Dads, when is the last time you spent quality time with your children?

We must dedicate our time with our children to what is most important. Raising them to love the Lord with all their heart, all their mind, and all their soul. Train them as though their eternity depends on it, because it does. We are given a promise here - if we do our job, God will do His. They will not forget what they have been taught. It does not mean they will always make the best choices. It does not mean they won’t make mistakes. It does not mean they will not disappoint us. It does mean, God will convict them, because they will know what God (and their parents) expect of them.

As a dad who has one child out of the house, and another rapidly approaching…I can tell you from experience - time goes by way too quickly. Don’t blink - the time you think you will have…may just not be there when they get older.

Be a Disciplinarian

Proverbs 23:13–14 ESV

13 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. 14 If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.

Children need discipline. Discipline will not kill them. Discipline just might keep them out of hell.

Vicki Courtney author of “Logged on and Tuned out” makes this comment about parenting. “If you are a parent who makes a habit of uttering the phrase, “Ah, kids will be kids,” on a recurring basis, do me a big favor. Close this book and pop yourself upside the head with it. Now open it back up and continue reading. Your child doesn't need another buddy; your child needs a parent. And let's not be fooled. Someday we will stand before God and be held accountable for the way we raised the children that were entrusted to us. That doesn't mean you can't be your child's friend, but you have to get it in the right order. Parent first, friend second.”

Dads, we should not make it a priority to be our children’s best friend. We are their parent. We are their disciplinarian. In this verse, discipline emphasizes the notion of education. We are to instruct them, train them, guide them, correct them, at times we may even have to punish them, but through our efforts these verses say that the discipline they receive (even though they may view them as painful) may just deliver them from the pain of death - an eternal death and separation from God in hell.

Daddies, this scares me to death - to think that what WE do in raising our children just MIGHT be the difference in their eternal destiny. But through disciplining our children we see a promise given to us.

Proverbs 29:17 (ESV)

17 Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.

By investing in our children, parents will have peace later on because their children will be well behaved and have some sense.

Be a Provider

1 Timothy 5:8 ESV

8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

We are to provide for the current and future needs of our family. As we all know, sometimes this means we sacrifice what we want for what our family needs. Here, Paul addresses the care of the widows. However, it addressed the widows who had children who could support their mothers. So, there was a pattern of not supporting the needs of those within the family.

Be a Hard Worker

We should work to support our family. Period. It was that way after the fall of man in sin.

Genesis 2:15 ESV

15 The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it.

Hard work will not kill anyone. Yet, there has to also be a balance between work and family responsibilities. We must provide for not only their physical needs, but their relational and spiritual needs.

We should not put too much emphasis on working while neglecting our family.

Matthew 6:31–32 ESV

31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.

Worry over our finances will not change one thing. As a Christian, at some point we must recognize that we are not ultimately in control and must yield to the will of God. Now, there is a fine line between being a hard worker and providing for the needs of your family, and being overly consumed with money.

Don’t overly extend yourself. Don’t foolishly waste money. Don’t think money will make it all better. Don’t neglect your family while chasing another dollar.

We are told the lost seek these things - they are wrapped up in the world and the things of the world. But a Christian is to be different. We are to put our faith in our heavenly Father who knows our needs and will provide. By seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, as verse 33 commands, we leave the earthly cares of this world up to God, and put our faith fully in Him. We should not mimic the lost and unsaved world, but put our faith and rest in God. He knows our needs. Trust Him to provide.

Be a Family

Genesis 2:24 ESV

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

One of the hardest things to do is to become one flesh. We are influenced by our family, by our friends, by our environment, and we develop our thoughts of what “our” married life should look like. And, that is normal. I think of a relationship in terms of phases; Like, Lust, Love, and Life.

We start of liking someone. We find them attractive, we can talk to them for hours upon hours. We like spending time with them.

We then grow more fond of them. That’s where lust comes in. We desire to be around them. We can’t live without them. We want to be with them constantly.

Then one day it hits us…I love them. We hope for a future. We dream of what our life will be. And we start planning for our future life together.

And…then life smacks us between the eyes. Work, rent or a mortgage, vehicles, bills, unexpected bills, kids, school, loans… Suddenly all the planning for life takes a turn in another direction.

Life does not always go as planned. But what happens when that happens? How do we respond? Do we discuss it with our spouse OR do we call mom or dad, our friends, or talk to our coworkers?

I think these verses truly put this issue into perspective. Once our commitment is made to each other, we become one flesh. No longer should we allow outside influence to persuade us of how we should go. Even from mom and dad. Especially not from our friends or coworkers. Talk with each other, work out the problems in life, make a decision for each other in unified oneness.

Be Knowledgeable

2 Timothy 3:17 ESV

17 that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.

How will we ever be complete? By becoming spiritually mature through the reading, the praying over, and the studying of Scripture. Since we are made for God, by God, then we are to live by the Word of God. By seeking God in all we do, Dad’s, we can become equipped for anything life throws at us. Not only that, but it gives us the ability to live an example for our children.

Philippians 4:9 ESV

9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

We should be a living example of Christ to our children. Be the man they want to look up to by being an example of the man WE look up to.

Be Real

1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV

13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

We will not always get it right. Get this…DADS ARE STILL HUMAN!!! We still are tempted with the things of the world.

We may be tempted with our finances. We will never have enough, we could use a little more, we will never get enough. We may be tempted with our status. I’m a nobody, I’ve finally become a somebody, I have arrived. We may be tempted to neglect our spirituality. I have to work to provide. I have to get a few more things done before I can study. I just don’t have time, I’ll get filled on Sunday. I don’t have time to get it all done, so Sunday is the only day I can finish. We may be tempted by alcohol, women, gambling, anything this world has to offer. But notice what we are told - God will never allow us to be tempted with anything WITHOUT giving us a way out. The more we focus on Christ, the more we emulate Christ, and the easier it is to withstand the temptations of the world.

Galatians 2:20 ESV

20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Be an Example

1 Corinthians 11:3 ESV

3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

Men, we are to be the spiritual leaders of our homes. For that to occur, Christ must be the leader of us. And if Christ is our leader, then we are following God.

Now, I know this is not an exhaustive list of things we, as Dads, should be scripturally following, doing, or being. But, there is one trend - in all we do, if we follow Christ, then we are following THE Father. If we are truly follow THE Father, then we will be successful as a Father.

Mark Twain: When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.